You know that one area on the 29th floor of the hotel where you can jump through glass and land right in front of the safe room and get defibrillated later, despite your broken-ass legs? Well, Ellis, being the retard of the group, and a complete fuckin' moron, grabbed a defib and vaulted over the balcony, exclaiming, "PARKOUR!" The gruesome sound of his tibia and fibias shattering into a thousand tiny pieces echoed throughout the hotel.
"That fucker just bypassed 80% of the map!" Nick exclaimed with an indignant snort. He nearly called a vote kick on the redneck.
Working together, the three remaining Survivors managed to get to the elevator, though it was fraught with much trial and tribulations not detailed here (we wouldn't want to bore you with tedious zombie gore). Rochelle had already had to use her first aid kit to repair a nail she had broken, which was a shame because she had just gotten them 'did' less than a week ago (like your stereotypical black woman). As they rode down, they introduced themselves to one another at last.
"My friends call me Futon, I guess y'all can do the same," Coach said.
"Name's Rochelle, you?" Rochelle said.
"Name's Nick, but don't bother learning it, because I ain't stickin' around long," Nick said.
"Who did we lose?" Coach inquired with a deep sorrow in his voice that there wasn't anything to eat in the elevator.
"Think his name was Ellis. Don't matter now," Nick said.
A bell dinged, the lift grinding to a halt, but the doors jammed and the Survivors found themselves stuck within the small enclosure while acrid smoke from the fire seeped in from the crack. Each took their turn trying to pry the metal doors open as the smoke stung their eyes and filled their lungs, but none of them could. It was the exact reason why they put signs up telling you not to use an elevator in a fire.
The three Survivors knew they were going to die. They huddled against one another as the smoke grew thicker and made it more and more difficult to breathe what precious oxygen was left. It was a grim situation indeed. Nick coughed loudly and spoke gravely, "I am not
going to die
in this elevator
" but his bravery was in vain.
The three Survivors were nearly to the point of exhaustion when the AI director took pity upon the idiots and opened the doors with his godly powers.
"Looks like there's been a change of plans," Nick said gravely.
Coach converted to a new god right then, praising the Almighty AI Director who would lead them to salvation. And a whole pizza, rolled up sub-style.