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Submitted on
April 21, 2012
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The helicopter is the loudest thing in the entire game. This is the sound the Survivors heard as they awoke from their amnesia on the top of the roof; this of course being the amnesia that caused them to forget the existence of zombies.
"Looks like there's been a change of plans." Nick said gravely.
Rochelle's screams could not be heard over the sound of Coach eating his donuts.
"Mmm." He muttered, spilling several crumbs on Ellis' shirt.
"Hey man, that hit me!" The inbred, down-syndrome afflicted hill billy exclaimed.
"Sorry, youngin'." Coach replied, shoving the rest of the donut into his cavernous mouth. Thankfully, they would meet another zombie carrying a food tray soon. This was all that could slake Coach's hunger, stopping him from eating his fellow survivors for at least a few more minutes.
"WE SHOULD DEFINITELY ATTEMPT TO GET WEAPONS, I'VE SEEN NEWS REPORTS, AND WE DEFINITELY WANT WEAPONS." Rochelle bellowed.
The Survivors beheld the great wisdom in Rochelle's thoughtful, screamed words. As it turns out, the helicopter pilot was stupid enough to leave behind several fire axes, Glocks, and four M60s.
"Hey man, there ain't supposed to be any M60s this early in the game! DAMN! Valve sucks at this." Ellis ranted.
"Looks like there's been a change of plans." Nick said gravely.
The Survivors agreed that it wouldn't be legitimate to pick up M60s for at least another Campaign. They stuck to fire axes. Coach, of course, grabbed his Signature Nipple Pistols of Death™, also known as his NPoD.
"Axe me a question. I dare ya." Rochelle said, chuckling at her creativity. That's what majoring in Journalism does.
"TITS!" Nick yelled, burying a hatchet in Rochelle's nappy-headed hoe skull.
"Okay, that better have been an …" Rochelle equipped sunglasses, "AXE-ident!"
YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHH-
After the theme music for CSI Miami reached its end, they realized that they should get moving. You know, after waiting around in a zombie-infested city for three weeks. Amnesia, man. It's all bad.
As they began walking back down the thirty flights of god damn stairs, Rochelle casually removed the hatchet from her skull and tossed her hair to the side. Nick saw this hair flip, suddenly realizing how incredibly attractive Rochelle was. Soon after, he realized just how horny he was, and her amazing rack.
"Damn, Rochelle, nice!"
This is what :iconzphalgirl87: and I do when we are pretending to be mentally challenged together. Usually pretty late at night, when everything starts being hilarious.
:iconhunterellis:
HunterEllis Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2012
LMAO I couldn't stop reading it was too good! The Axe in Rochelle's head part made me laugh the most. For some reason I pictured Left 4 Speed when reading it! XD
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:icontiili97:
Tiili97 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2012
I've never seen a title I agree with more. This is the best fanfic EVER. :la: I'll never be able to see the opening sequence with a straight face again.
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:iconmidorieyes:
MidoriEyes Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The title says it all.

This also needs to be gmod'd.
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